


it should have been me

by spidye



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Peter, Other, implied stevetony - Freeform, peter adopts tony as his dad but it's a little too late, peter dies tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:15:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spidye/pseuds/spidye
Summary: "No vitals, boss," FRIDAY says. It's like Tony doesn't hear it."Wake up," Tony breathes. "Come on, kid. We don't have time for you to sleep on the job. Wake up."





	it should have been me

17 times.  

They've been through this seventeen times already. Strange knows because he's keeping count. Rogers knows; not the exact number, but the exhaustion in Strange's eyes gives it away. Quill knows because he's over Stephen's shoulder every five seconds, asking what round they're on, if they're doing any better this time. He's treating it like a baseball game. "Seventeenth inning," he'd said. "That's crazy! That's gotta be some kind of world record. Move over, Babe Ruth, there's new legends in town." Normally, Strange would toss him a remark about being insufferable, but Quill's positivity seems to keep the teams motivated and hopeful, despite the obvious implications of  _ seventeen _ failed attempts.

Stark knows, too. He knows because Strange tells him. More than tells him, really. Shares the memories. Not all of them, but the ones that he needs to. Stark has always been the leader. If anyone can figure it out, it's him. He needs to know all the pieces of the puzzle.

Even if the puzzle's going to get him killed.

 

When Strange and Tony talk plans, they stand a little bit from the team. Peter — Parker, that is — occasionally throws them concerned glances. When he catches Tony's eye, Tony gives him a reassuring wink, to which Peter responds with a grin and a thumbs up. This only makes Tony's heart feel heavier in his chest.

Peter has no idea how many times he's died.

 

The first time was the worst. Strange remembers it vividly. He'd fallen from the ship, and even though Tony had caught him with plenty of time to spare, the kid's body was dead weight in his arms. No oxygen. He'd refused to put him down when they landed. Instead, he's hugging Peter tightly to his chest, like he's cradling a child.

He  _ is _ holding a child. He's holding a dead child in his arms. That thought makes him sick.

"No vitals, boss," FRIDAY says. It's like Tony doesn't hear it.

"Wake up," Tony breathes. "Come on, kid. We don't have time for you to sleep on the job. Wake up." 

Rogers is looking on, and he can't help but think of 2012. The missile, the wormhole. Of course Peter would try to stop the ship. Of  _ course _ he'd try to follow Tony's footsteps. Now they're in the same position, six years later - gathered around him, praying he'll wake up. He can only hope to be able to tell him how brave he was. To tell him how good of a job he did. Steve's eyes rest on Tony.  _ To tell him how sorry I am for letting this happen.  _

Tony's doing his best not to cry. He jostles Peter, as if that's going to get him to open his eyes, then shifts to lift his head with the crook of his elbow. "Don't do this, Peter. Don't. You got a whole life ahead of you. People need you." Strange is kneeling beside the two of them, but Tony's focused on Peter. His voice breaks. "Think about your aunt. Not gonna leave her all alone, are you? What about your friends, huh? They're —  _ we're _ gonna miss the hell out of you, so just —"  

And he stops there, because he can't finish it.  _ Wake up, _ he wants to say.  _ We need you. Come back to us. _ All he can do is cry.

 

Rogers breaks the silence. "We have to go," he says. "We don't have time. I'm sorry, Tony, but we have to go." 

"Fucking  _ make _ time," Tony spits out. "We're not letting this happen. I'm not letting this be the endgame." His gaze lands on Rogers, and it's nothing less than rage. He's seen that trapped animal look in Tony before.  _ Siberia, _ he thinks. That's twice he's watched Tony break.

Strange moves to take Peter, and Tony yanks away, clutching the kid to him. "No," he pleads, "no. Don't touch him. Just fix this." 

There's a long moment where Strange looks like he might do nothing at all. His voice is soft. "You won't remember that this happened. You won't be able to stop it." 

"Then you  _ tell _ me," Tony says. "Tell me, and it won't happen again, but I'm not letting my kid die here." 

So Strange does as he's told.

 

Peter doesn't wake up. Not  _ one _ of the seventeen times they've gone through this does he wake up. It becomes routine, almost. Some horrible, unforeseen accident; what's left of the team gathering around Peter; Strange performing his ritual to undo it. It'd become an unspoken finish line. If Peter doesn't go home, nobody goes home. Eventually, Tony stops begging him to come back. Now he doesn't even look at Peter anymore when he dies. He just averts his eyes, stands a little distance away, and waits for Strange to reset the timeline.

When Strange told the rest of the team that Peter knows nothing of the way the other timelines have turned out, Tony spoke up first.

"Keep it that way," he'd said. "He doesn't need to know that. He's a kid. He needs to _stay_ a kid."  The rest of the team agreed silently.  

At least one casualty is inevitable. They know that much. There's no timeline where they all make it out. Rogers has argued that maybe this  _ is _ right ending. "Maybe it's time to let him go, Stark. Maybe this is his purpose."

Tony walked away from that conversation, and Strange had given Rogers a scathing look. "That's the line we've drawn," he says quietly. "That's the point of no return. We lose Peter, we lose everything. Nobody's going to stand by and watch their child die; certainly not Stark." And Tony never did. Every time, he was right there, trying to stop it. Almost every time, he survived, but Peter didn't.

 

There was one time Tony lost his life trying to save him. When Peter's gutwrenching scream for help splits across the battlefield, everybody's heart stops. They left him home. They left him  _ home. _ Quill turned to T'Challa; both wore confused expressions under their helmets. "I swear to god, we didn't bring him this time! How the hell-"

"FRIDAY, get me eyes on Peter."

"Yes, boss. Taking you there." 

Peter had followed them. Tony had told him not to come - all but  _ forced _ him to stay home with May, despite the protest he'd given. He can recall the memory easily.

"Please don't," he'd pleaded. "Please. Please don't walk out. The last time,"  a pause to work on the sob that's strangling his throat, "the last time I asked someone not to leave me here it was Ben. And — and before that, it was my parents."  Tears streaming down his face now. "You won't come back. I know you won't come back if you leave. Just - just let me come  _ with _ you! Please!" 

Barely audible: " _ Please, _ Tony." 

And now Peter's on the ground, bleeding out on a battlefield he was never supposed to be on, an outrider's claw in his back and protruding from his ribcage. His body's being dragged away, and he's crying as loud as he can. 

When Tony hears that Peter's screaming for  _ dad _ , his blood goes cold.  

Barnes finds their bodies neatly tucked together, armor ripped from flesh, blood pooling around them. They're hardly recognizable from the damage done to them, but Tony's arms are wrapped loosely around Peter. They look so much alike, even in death, that Bucky makes no thought about his announcement over the comms: "Stark and his kid are dead."

Rogers can feel his heart drop.

 

That was the last timeline. They don't leave Peter behind this time. This time, it's different. Peter knows. He felt it when Tony had shoved him, hard, told him to stay down. This time, Peter's throwing himself against Rogers, begging him to let go, to help him, to  _ please _ help Tony—

Tony, who's on the ground, reactor torn from his chest, gasping through mouthfuls of blood. 

That hit was meant for Peter.

"Please — please, please, let me go, let me- Tony- TONY—  _ DAD!" _

Strange is closing the portal. Tony's eyes meet Peter's, and at his side, his hand moves to give Peter a thumbs up. 

_ We did it, kid. _

The last time Peter ever sees Tony is blurred by tears. He's screaming his protest - _stop, **stop** , it should have been me! Please, don't do this. Don't take him away from me. It should have been me, I know it should have been me—_ In flash of sparks, he's gone, and the burning surroundings with him. They're in New York, and Peter collapses, crying- Steve supports him with a hug, and does his best to shush him. "It's alright. It's  _ alright, _ Peter. It's what he wanted."

Peter can't breathe. Can't move. His body is racked with sobs, and Rogers helps lower him to the ground, one hand on Peter's neck, holding him upright. It takes him more than twenty minutes to stop panicking; Steve keeps Peter held tightly to him the entire time, so Peter can't see tears tracking down his face, too. When Peter pulls away, he stares numbly at his hands.

_ You did it, dad. _

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @spideling if you want to give me a follow <3 [check out my other work here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067655/chapters/34932749)


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